Understanding Problem and Open Communication is Best Medicine

Back pain can be a pervasive condition impacting every aspect of our lives: physical, emotional, and social. One of the least talked about and most sensitive areas that back pain affects is our sexuality. Back pain can limit the movement, level of comfort, and enjoyment of physical intimacy. This pain not only affects our sexuality; it influences our primary relationships and often how we view ourselves as women or men.

How does back pain affect our sex lives?  
Back pain can limit our physical movements, which alters our sexual experience. Fear of the onset of back pain during sexual activity often leads to avoidance of sexual contact. This is especially true if a couple has experienced physical intimacy prior to one of them experiencing back pain.  Simple movements such as flexion, extension or turning from side to side may be painful – diminishing the “passion and spontaneity” that the couple had previously known. This change in a couple’s sexuality often leads to frustration, anger, depression, and guilt.

Can back pain affect sexual function? 
Although it is possible for compression or pinching of the lumbar spinal nerves to cause dysfunction of sexual organs — it is much more likely that back pain will affect our movements rather than our sexual function.

What can you do if you have back pain?  
First, it is important to remember that you are not alone — that your partner also shares this problem. Second, it is important to remember that other couples share this problem and that information exists that helps to answer your questions. Begin with an evaluation by a healthcare practitioner who will help you understand why you have back pain and what you can do to minimize or correct the problem(s). Utilize the services of a mental health therapist to understand the emotional impact that back pain has on your sexuality. Active communication between partners is essential to find out what does and does not work. Discovering what is intimate and pleasurable for both people will take time; clear communication and willingness to explore the connection between your sensuality and sexuality.

What can a couple do to combat the anxiety that may lead to back pain during sex?
Anxiety about our abilities to please your partner may lead to muscle spasms and back pain. “Setting the mood” by creating a romantic meal, massage or warm bath can help you to relax and enjoy the moment rather than worrying about what may happen. Talking about your anxieties with your partner will help to minimize their impact.

What resources are available?
It is important to remember that you and your partner are not alone, thousands of other couples have experienced similar difficulties. Using a health care practitioner (chiropractor, orthopedists, and physical therapist) that specializes in back pain and mental health therapist who will help you understand the emotional impact is a good first step. There are also several books and tapes that will help you discover pain-free techniques and positions, which can be found at local bookstores. Sex and Back Pain by Lauren Hebert, PT is an excellent source of information.

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